What is Up?

Did you expect me to say, "my weight"? I'm not even going there. Last week I kept track of my calories and exercise on The Daily Plate. While I did not eat and exercise like a champ, I did expect some sort of return on my investment. And instead I was rewarded with a half pound gain. You might think this would lead me to eat lots of holiday goodies to punish myself. And you would be right. But I felt really bad about it. And yes, I do realize how unhealthy it is to 1. punish yourself for gaining weight and 2. to do it with food, which makes absolutely no sense. I am back to searching for a blog or website to tell me exactly what I should do, even though I know what I should do. And it probably does not include Sonic. I read something recently that said the decision making part of our brain is in the same section with the willpower part so every decision we make lowers our willpower threshold. And I am clinging to that reasoning. I am also going to the doctor to have my thyroid checked (again). I have had my thyroid levels checked at least three times in the past couple years because I swear there is something wrong with me. My OB/GYN seems to think it's the natural byproduct of three children. I know my life is sometimes crazy and exhausting but I wake up tired and I actually fell asleep watching a movie last week. I have been reading a lot of information about hypothyroid and it seems some doctors are more aggressive about the levels than others. I plan to bring a list of my symptoms (hello, my blood pressure is a tad above zombie level and my temperature is consistently under 98) and I will insist that something is wrong and I want it to be fixed. Now. How awesome would it be to finally feel "normal" after three years of feeling like a different person. Maybe I'm not just lazy and hungry, maybe it's a "condition."

That is It!

When I stepped on the scale this week I was unpleasantly surprised to see I had gained even more weight. Maybe it's water. Maybe it's the ten hundred almond toffee bites from Costco. I don't know. I was all, "No you di-int," (or however you spell that) and the scale just sat there in stony silence. Lucky for me or we would be discussing my psychotic hallucinations instead of my insufferable struggle with the almighty pound. I said, "No more," to myself because everyone else was asleep. I fooled myself for a while and said I would focus on exercise and let the food thing follow. HA. Then I developed an excruciating case of sciatica and apparently I am growing older and my spine is collapsing. Or possibly something less dramatic. That's what it sounded like. I'm not usually one to avoid the doctor but for some reason I was cool with having a numb streak running down my leg and into my toes. Until I started thinking it might not be such a great thing to have for an extended period of time. So I had to bother my PT friend (I'm sure she's been mentioned on more than a few blog posts between me and Sara). She hooked me up with some sweet PT type things and she even rubbed my back for a little while. I feel bad I can only pay her with chocolate and hand me downs. At least it's not hand me down chocolate. Oh God, I just realized why I don't post at night. My mind is not as sharp a tack as it is in the morning fueled by three cups of coffee. So I'll end now. I sent in my registration for the Tri for the Cure. Hope it motivates me. I am the rare breed that is not entirely motivated by paying money for things. I figure it's already spent so... Must find Eye of the Tiger. Duh Duh Duh.

The Scale is Moving...

...in the wrong direction! OK perhaps the trip to Trader Joe's didn't help. I did eat a box of Candy Cane Joe-Joe's in two days. But waaahhh they're so good. I only bought one box though. One box per year. I call that moderation. I am beginning to feel angry and depressed about my weight and lack of motivation though. You would think walking 60 miles (and training to walk 60 miles) would burn off some weight. No, I added weight. Partially because I wasn't doing any other exercise during that time because I could barely walk after the long weekend walks. I had been training for a mini triathlon and when I stopped that the weight came back. I guess it requires constant vigilance. I have a lot of excuses for why but no solutions other than just starting back again. Starting back from scratch. I have a new training partner. He's a little hairy and slobbery but he enjoys going for walks (and no it's not my husband). We adopted a dog this weekend and he definitely requires walks to burn off some of his abundant puppy energy. So I figure I'll ease back into it with the walking. And I will say it here for all to see:

I am signing up for the Tri for the Cure sprint triathlon in April. I don't have to do it well, I just have to do it.

OK

I will not give up on this blog, since that seems like I'm giving up on my fitness efforts. And while it may look like that to the outside world, I have been working on my mental fitness. OK even I couldn't keep a straight face on that one. Seriously, walking 60 miles is hard. Training to walk 60 miles is hard. Trying to train for two events at once, not possible (for me). I have not been on Ruby (my beautiful road bike) for months. Mostly because I have pains in my back or hip. And because I'm a wiener baby. I plan to ask for a new bike for Christmas, yes another one, so I can ride comfortably on hard packed trails. I still have Ruby for speed and street cred. I just think it would help to actually ride. In other news, my friend (and co-conspirator on fitness projects big and small) is starting the Couch to 5K. I don't want to be left behind so I'm totally copying. I just hope we can jog one day like those skinny little biotches who breeze by gossiping and laughing while completing a 10 mile "fun" run. And just to make things really exciting, I am going to post my weight stats on the sidebar every week. Because I love public humiliation! If it's right there staring me in the face hopefully I won't be tempted to lose and then regain these 15 pounds. 15 pounds. That is a small child. On my ass. Not working for me.

Still..Hanging..On

I have not given up. My body and brain are just on a little sabbatical. I will admit I have gone to the dark side (inactivity) but I have plans, great plans, to start back up. My school is starting and mysterious health concerns have sidetracked me. But no more. I'm every woman. It's all in meeeee.

Now I Have Seen It All

I am pretty fortunate, in that I have not seen or experienced much craziness while exercising outside (knock on wood). There is the occasional truck parked in the bike lane, honking motorist checking out my sweet walking form and cat and mouse with cars rolling stop signs. But today I was amazed and horrified. I ride my bike in the morning before I wake up the kids and if I go early enough there's not a lot of traffic. If I wait too late then I have to contend with teenagers heading to high school (never good) and distracted people on their way to work. So I'm pumping away today and I see a woman rollerblading in the turn lane WITH A BABY STROLLER!There are so many things wrong with that. And then two motorcycle police ride by and I am amazed they didn't stop the woman and lecture her on safety. I really hate to ride by side streets where people are just as likely to keep going as not but I don't think I'd ever think it was a good idea to ride in the center lane. Hey, what's this huge lane where no one drives? Oh, it must be my own personal rollerblading lane. D'oh. In happier news, my butt pain seems to have given up. Just ignore something and it will go away. Children, do as I say and not as I do.

Pain in the Butt

Something is wrong in here somewhere. And no, that's not me.

And I'm not talking about trying to work exercise into my daily life, though that is painful as well. I seem to have developed my first sports injury. In reading so many blogs and books about exercise it seems injury is just a way of life. They almost seem to say you will be injured, it's just a matter of when. So this makes me wonder why people push themselves so hard and if our bodies are trying to tell us something. But again, what's the alternative? My injury began as a nagging lower backache. I figured my poor cycling form and swim stroke contributed to that. Then on Sunday before my training walk I twisted to get my shoe and pain shot right down my leg. I have had this butt pain before but it was on the left side. Now it's on the right side. And I sound like a senior detailing all the indignities of my aging body. When I had persistent pain on the right side I diagnosed it (you know, with my Internet MD) as possibly piriformis syndrome. Maybe it's sacroiliac something or other. I passed on the chance to have my PT friend look at it because it went away and I felt a little awkward thinking about my friend massaging my butt. And now she's the mother of a newborn so she doesn't have much in the way of free time. I just keep hoping it will go away. But every morning I wake up and it's still there. When I bend over I have to grit my teeth. I can still walk and ride my bike (I am technically able but severely lacking in motivation) but the tension is always there. And this is an issue I am having a hard time with. If only I knew someone who 1. actually read this blog and 2. had completed a triathlon. I am utterly clueless about the mechanics of getting off the bike and running. Every time I go for a ride (of about 6-7 miles) it takes me a good three minutes to gather up the motivation to swing my oh so stiff leg over the handlebars. How do people just come riding up, throw their bike on the rack and run? My first race will be comedy to anyone observing. As for the back/butt pain, I am considering a trip to the doctor. Should probably check out that lightheadedness too. It's all downhill from here isn't it?

Back to Reality

Last week was pretty much a wash. I just could not get out of bed. The combination of post-vacation exhaustion and the knowledge school would be starting this week led to a very sedentary lifestyle. And I managed to gain about five pounds. Why is it so hard to lose but so quick to return? Thanks a lot fast food and eating out. OK and my poor choices. But what else can I do but return to the daily grind of Weight Watchers and recording my workouts. I did have a little scare last week when I realized our next 5K was rapidly approaching and I have not moved my feet in a jogging motion for oh, a few weeks. But like a wish, the 5K was mysteriously canceled (and that's not just what I told my husband. It was actually canceled). But I know I need to get back out there and run like the wind. It has just been so hot. Waaaawaaaawaaaa (that's supposed to be a baby cry). And I cannot explain how much I detest the treadmill. I used to prefer running or walking on it but now it feels like a death sentence. So I will have to brave the heat and "Just Do It." Thanks Nike.

And I'm Back!

OK I will admit my training log looks a bit sparse. Spending 4 whole days driving can do that to a person. I did manage a couple of workouts during vacation but the tremendous amount of food I consumed kind of canceled that out. And now it is soooo hard to get back on track. I am finding it very difficult to wake up in the morning. I would really love to find a balance between sleep and exercise. I need to exercise in the morning but I don't really enjoy waking up so early. I think I was in a serious sleep deficit before vacation. Seven hours is just not enough and I don't think I can go to bed at 9:00. Hopefully I'll find something that works. If it would just cool off a little that would be swell. I managed a swim yesterday even though I was dreading it. It actually wasn't too bad once we were in the water. I need to find a reliable way to count my laps. My swim partner suggested an abacus. I know I just have to keep going forward and concentrate on training for my multiple events. But sometimes I just want to sleep in.

Blog Holiday

I have not given up on my health. I be up in the gym just workin' on my fitness. Sorry about the random Fergie quote. Anyway, I'll be back next Monday. And I will be swim/bike/running/walking in the meantime. I promise.

5 Miles

So I am up to 5 miles for my Breast Cancer 3 Day training. I am trying to incorporate my tri training with my 3 Day training. I am supposed to run 2 times a week now (welcome relief) and today's time was 24 minutes. Now obviously I cannot run 5 miles in 24 minutes (and if you can, why are you reading my blog?). So I ran 2 miles in 24 minutes and walked the rest. I only had to stop once during my run for a minute and a half so I count that as progress. I have little doubt though that if I plan to run longer distances I will be doing the walk/run combo. I just don't have the stamina for constant jogging. The walking part was not bad at all because I didn't push myself. I just walked. I also walked/jogged to Starbucks and had an iced latte in the middle so that can't hurt. It was HAWT out today so I borrowed a little trick from one of my favorite fitness blogs and dumped the ice from my drink into my sports bra. Yes, I had coffee ice in my bra. I washed it off first though. It was very refreshing. But I thought I was giving myself a heart attack at first because my chest area started hurting during the initial cooling. I'll have to work on distributing the ice. I also wet my hat with cool water and that seemed to help as well. I was practically skipping on the way home. What with the icy chest, cool head, slow pace and IPod. As I was running (and trying not to faint) I thought to myself, "Why do I undue all of the hard work I'm doing right now just for a temporary fix?". Why can I not remember that at the time of the incident? It's much harder to binge when you've gone 5 miles. Or maybe it's easier sometimes because you feel like you deserve it. But that is hardly ever my reasoning. I am really going to work on that. Start telling myself no, start telling myself no, start telling myself no.

Anatomy of a Binge

I just wrote a post on my main blog about being depressed. One thing that feeds into my depression (no pun intended but it is kind of funny) is my propensity for binge eating. I don't eat whole cakes or throw up. But I do have episodes where I start eating and I continue to graze until I start feeling sick. Feeling guilty doesn't usually lead me to stop. I usually eat more the guiltier I feel. I tried to keep track today of what I was eating so I could put it in Weight Watchers to see the extent of the damage. I probably missed some things but here's a list (and this was after lunch):

• chocolate covered edamame (at least 1/4 cup)
• 2 Snickers mini ice cream bars
• Frosted Flakes (probably a cup)
• Fruity Pebbles with milk (at least a cup and a half)
• fruit leather
• dark chocolate (about an ounce)
• cheese stick
• almonds, macadamia nuts and craisins (maybe a 1/3 cup)

So that's the ugly truth. I have had a lot of truth today. Maybe it will lead to some changes on my part. I don't know why I continue to eat when I'm not hungry. I'm eating to fill something (hint, not my stomach). I feel so bad during and after. Like all of my hard work is for nothing. How much more weight could I lose if I didn't blow it so often. I don't deny myself food but I am pretty involved in what I eat. Weight Watchers is good for learning portion control but bad if you're obsessive about weighing and measuring. I just have to keep telling myself it's a journey and I will reach my goal some day. I also weigh less than I have in almost 20 years. And I'm pretty sure I'm in the best shape I've ever been. I just need to realize I don't need to eat ALL THE FOOD RIGHT NOW. There will always be more later. More chances to make better choices.

Northland Hospice 5K

Saturday I participated in my first official 5K event. The 5K I have been training for during the appropriately named, "Couch to 5K." Leading up to the event I was having a little issue with running. Mostly I just hated it. And it is starting to get really hot here. So unless I want to wake up at 3:00 in the morning, I just sort of suffer through. But I was determined to finish this race. I will admit I briefly considered ditching it when I found out Aaron wasn't running with me but I went ahead and made hotel reservations so I couldn't back out. I'm glad I did.

I went into the race with a personal goal time of 38 minutes. I know this sounds slow to all of you fast little rabbits out there. But I am a turtle. A big, slow turtle. Or tortoise if you're really picky. I had previously run 3.1 in 38 minutes a couple of times so I knew it was possible. But here's a little fun fact. Flagstaff sits at 7,000 feet above sea level. My little town sits at about 1,200 feet. My husband says we're a little higher because we sit on the ascent of a (small) mountain but I don't know. Let's just round up and say that is a 5,500 foot difference. This is a huge difference. I optimistically told myself my training in the heat would offset this a little because it would be nice and cool in Flag. And it was in the high 60s or low 70s when the race started. I was definitely just right in my shorts and sleeveless running shirt. I started out towards the back, unfortunately behind quite a few walkers. I intended to start out slow and do my 4/1 jog and walk breaks. I started out at my usual pace of around 11 to 11.5 minute miles. About three minutes in I realized I could not breathe. What is up with the air? Oh, you mean it's thinner at 7,000 feet? Of course I knew this but I don't think I KNEW it. I thought I was going to vomit. And then HILLS. Because thin air isn't enough. They want to kill you with hills. So about a mile in I abandoned all training plans and almost abandoned the race. I thought, "Who could care if I just walked off the course?" I would care. So I started walking. I walked until I could catch my breath. And sure a man with his two kids, a man in his seventies and a woman pushing a wheelchair passed me. But I didn't throw up and I didn't quit. Eventually I caught my breath and had a little water. Now normally I don't drink water from a hose. I just kept telling myself it was probably mountainy fresh water. I then started jogging. And I ended up jogging for an extended period of time. But this time I went about 12 miles per hour. And I felt pretty good. I just kept going. Eventually I started slowing down and I knew it was time for a walk break. And I did this through the whole race. I finally turned the corner where I could see the finish line and I decided to just run all out. All out being about 6 miles per hour. Even though I felt a little like throwing up. I just turned up my music and sprinted to the finish. And then I heard them announce my name and I saw my kids waving and I knew I had really done it. I had finished my first 5K. And I had run a good portion. My official end time was 37.56. I swear I was about 30 seconds faster but my Garmin only read 3.04 miles so I guess the extra time makes up for the missed distance. But I made my goal of 38 minutes in a race where I didn't initially think I would finish. It makes me optimistic about the other things I'm capable of.

Flatout and Running Out (of steam)

Lately I have been really obsessed with Flatout Multi-Grain wraps. I know a lot of people (doctors and such) suggest eating the same thing for breakfast or lunch every day. They say variety leads to overeating due to the multitude of different flavors. I don't know if this is true but eating the same thing certainly helps out time wise. I am not normally the sort of person who can eat the same thing daily. Variety is the spice of my life (which is perhaps the reason I overeat. Damn those doctors). But since I discovered the plain wraps at Costco I have been having a PBJ wrap every morning. Sometimes I even use almond butter. Wow. And I just learned Trader Joes has almond butter with salt! Now my life is complete. If you need a little protein to start the day and you do not do well with simply oatmeal or cereal (you feel like eating a side of beef - or a dozen donuts - one hour after breakfast) you should try the Flatouts. And they are not even paying me to say this. But I would accept free samples!

And now the exercise. I have developed a mental block against running. I know I should do it, I know I'm capable of it, I know it won't kill me. But IT HURTS. Maybe I should take it slower. But is it really "jogging" at 13 minute miles? I can almost walk that fast. I am capable of between 11 and 12 minute miles at this point but I always have to stop for walking breaks. I never feel like I could just go on and on. Who are those people anyway? My sprint triathlon training cuts back the minutes I have to run (from the Couch to 5K thirty minutes) so maybe I can start slowly again and build myself up. I just can't imagine the day I will love it. But maybe that day will come. Possibly in November when it is not as hot as the surface of the sun.

Camping and Hiking

This weekend we spent two eventful nights in a tent perched on the edge of the Mogollon Rim. Literally perched on the edge. And I ate and ate and ate. Took a little holiday from the Points counting. I had good intentions to follow through on at least healthy eating for breakfast and lunch. But the Pop Tarts undid all of my resolve. I don't usually buy those devil pastries but I thought the kids would like them for a quick breakfast. And I ended up liking them a little too much. We did do quite a bit of walking to counteract the food. We hiked around our campsite and on Saturday we took a hike with the kids around Woods Canyon Lake to see nesting bald eagles and a little eaglet. It was a little hard with two children who seemed to lose the use of their legs but it was worth it. The hike was through a beautiful forest (kind of looked like the Ewok forest) and the temperature was on the cool side. So different from life in Hell. Sunday we took a short hike along the Rim Lakes Vista Trail before heading back. You walk right out to the edge of the Rim (again)! Aaron and I had plenty of exercise carrying children in our arms and on our shoulders. I was fearful of the Monday weigh in but I was down half a pound. I'll take that. Even if the bad eating sneaks up on me in the middle of the week! Back to reality and back to my routine. I could not wake up this morning to run (have I mentioned how exhausting vacation is?) but I know that 3 miles is hanging over my head. Northland Hospice 5K is this weekend. Aaron and I won't be able to run together for this one, which was especially disappointing for Aaron, but we did sign up for another 5K in September and we are determined to run it side by side.

Online Training Log

I'm not a total tech geek or anything but I like to see all of my numbers add up. I have noticed several blogs with workout counters so I did a little "research" (also called just spending inordinate amounts of time on the computer reading blogs) and found this. Buckeye Outdoors is a free training log that keeps track of your workouts and nutrition. You can download your Garmin info too. I just like to look at my monthly totals. Then I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something. I rode Ruby today for my first official ride. She performed quite well. I felt like Lance Armstrong. But with shoulder pain and hand numbness. I guess I just have to toughen up. On a positive note, the padded cycling shorts really do help out with seat pain. But I can see how I will probably need extra padding and a womens seat for longer rides. I also tried riding clipped in (for any non bike riders, the bike has pedals that clip onto a special shoe and you can't get your foot out without twisting. And possibly falling over). Getting in is no problem. Getting out on the other hand. I know I will fall over. It's just a question of when. And unfortunately there's not a lot of grass in the desert so it will probably be on rocks. Just preparing myself for the cuts and bruises. I just hope Ruby is not harmed in the process.

And I Shall Call Her Ruby

Last week was an unintentional rest week. I've been reading about training for triathlons and most of the plans have a week once a month or so when you reduce your mileage and intensity. Sort of a working rest so you are stronger in the coming weeks. So let's just say I was doing that. I really felt worn out last week. I would wake up exhausted and getting out of bed for any reason (especially exercise) was difficult. I did manage two days of Couch to 5K Week 8. But I have made a huge discovery. Walking breaks are my friend. I was having a very hard time psychologically dealing with going 28 minutes straight. So I took Jeff Galloway's advice to heart and started doing walking breaks during my jog. I started with a four minute jog and 1 minute walk, alternating seven times for a total of 28 minutes jogging. So that counts. The next time I went for a jog I decided to keep going until I jogged 3.1. I do have that 5K coming up so I thought it would be a good idea to see if I can do it. And I made it in exactly 38 minutes. Not much of a cushion for the race (with the altitude and all) but I'll take it. I'm also starting to get less rigid about the time goal. I know I can do it. So why not just have fun? I will give it my all and see where that gets me.

In other oh so exciting news, I spent my life savings on a new road bike. I am the proud owner of a Fuji Roubaix. I call her Ruby. She is red and pretty and I love her. Now I just have to learn to ride her. My husband (and children but that's a different blog) accompanied me to the bike shop. He is worse than I am when it comes to upgrading from your original plan. Truthfully the salesman didn't even show us the bike we came in for (it was crap evidently) but he made me try out the Roubaix "for size." Now the first law of marketing is getting the consumer to touch the product. Because if they do they're hooked. And then I actually rode the Roubaix and another lower end Fuji ladies bike. Emma liked the ladies bike because it was blue with pretty flowers (because Lord knows women don't want to actually go out and kick ass on a bike without pretty girly flowers). She said the flowers would make me happy if I didn't win. And I assured her I would not win. So maybe I need the flowers? But I took the Roubaix. Being the long legged and apparently long armed lady I am, I don't need a ladies bike fit and was very comfortable with the mens. I also bought my very first pair of clipless pedals and shoes. The bike tech advised me to just get used to the bike before putting the shoes on. Maybe he was saying that because I could not twist my left foot out no matter how hard I tried. But he adjusted the tension on the pedal and it was much easier. I'm still a little apprehensive about trying out the pedals. I know I'm going to fall over. The bike tech told me it wouldn't hurt me. I hope he knows what he's talking about. I look forward to taking Ruby out for many long rides. I finally feel like I can actually do this.

Jogging, Leg Pain, A New Bike

C25K Week 7 is complete. At the beginning I don't think I ever thought I could do 25 minutes straight. But I did. Slowly, slowly, slowly. But I made it just the same. This week is 28 minutes, which doesn't really seem so bad. It's just the last few minutes that kill me. I can really feel my form slipping and I'm sure I look like I'm stumbling forward. I imagine I resemble a college freshman after her first binge drinking experience.

In other news, my left leg seems to be rebelling again. I thought it was my piriformis or my ITB. But maybe I'm just getting old? I have a PT friend (thanks to the Gods) who said she would look at it. Some days are better than others. I did purchase new running shoes this weekend. I was really embarrassed as I looked at my tired Asics next to the new shoes. I have worn them for far too long. I was even making excuses for them. But I should be lightning fast in my new Asics Nimbus 11s (HAHA).

Evidently my husband has overcome his fear of me dying on the bike and is starting to say I should buy a new one. I was going to compromise and wait until Christmas. He called me today and said he thinks buying a hybrid is a bad idea and that I should look for an entry level road bike. I told him I wasn't trying to win, just finish. But really, does anyone really need to be talked into buying a new bike? Especially when the rational person in the relationship is saying it's a good idea? I'll let you know how it goes.

Hot and Cold

C25K Week 7 is going. This week the walking breaks are a thing of the past and I just have to go 25 minutes without stopping. I went Monday night when I thought there was no way I could do it. I was tired and crampy. I usually work out in the morning. My 10 year old was going along on her bike. To her credit she stayed ahead the whole time and did not complain at all. But you know what? I did it. I huffed and puffed and ran the road down. It also really helped that I went right out and bought a new IPod to replace my second broken Shuffle. I invested in a Nano this time because obviously the Shuffle is cursed. So I had music and a partner and it was actually a little breezy. But I think I prefer the morning. Which is why I went this morning. Every time I start out I think I might not make it. But then I tell myself I know I can make it and I just start going. I spent about 5 minutes of the cool down trying to figure out my race pace to make my 5K goal of 38 minutes. And I found I can't really add after working out. Isn't exercise supposed to sharpen your mind? Maybe it's just me. The spinning class kicked my butt yesterday. I told the teacher I would be back because he was tough "in a good way."

I was a little horrified (OK not really because I had a bad week last week) to learn I was up two and a half pounds from last week. I know some of it is water but it is so demoralizing to have one day to officially weigh in and then have to see that number all week. I have a habit of losing, gaining a little, losing. I can't seem to shake this 175 plateau. The last time I did was the South Beach Phase 1 but I don't think I can go back there. I know if I really stick to WW and working out I have to lose weight. Right? And when I said I didn't have days off plan, I meant I WISHED I didn't have days off plan. Some days are so off plan they are medieval. I don't even know what that means. But yesterday I had an exceptional WW day. I am allotted 25 points and I usually earn 4 or so activity points (6 yesterday for spinning). So I actually feel best eating about 30 points a day. I managed to stay within that goal range and not say, "oh it won't hurt to eat this." I also tried to only have one sweet treat (Skinny Cow) so I can hold myself to roughly 150 cals of "junk." The late afternoon is usually my worst time so I just told myself I wasn't hungry and I didn't need to snack. Seemed to work. Wow, telling myself no. Who woulda thought? So I think this will be a good week for me. I will weigh in Monday and have a great weigh in. I'm really trying to commit to a clean 10 weeks. Focus on exercise and food. And not beating myself up too much.

Struggling

Last week started off going downhill from the beginning. I ate way too much on Monday and I just assigned all my weekly points (Weight Watchers) to cover it. So by the middle of the week I was negative in points. And Saturday we had a birthday party. With chips and cupcakes. I don't usually have a big weakness for chips but if they are just sitting there in a big bowl I will stuff my face. Then the movies with the popcorn and chocolate. And well, the whole weekend is blown anyway I might as well eat all these mini candy bars. And I weigh in this morning to find I'm 2 and a half pounds heavier than last week. Discouraging. But I keep thinking I don't really have another choice. What else will I do? Just stop exercising and eat whatever I want and weigh over 200 pounds again? I don't think so. So I'll just keep going. I just wish I could change this mindset about food. It's either feast or famine around here and one little slip sends me down a rabbit hole of carbs and sugar. I don't really know where I acquired my irrational view of food and eating. But I would love to adopt a more rational view. I guess I'm working on that in a roundabout way. I have started changing the way I feel about exercise and about waking up in the morning to do it. Today my alarm went off at 5:30 and I was out and biking by 6:00. A few years ago I would have never willingly rolled out of bed until I absolutely had to. And I can't remember the last time I had McDonald's; which is a big deal since I used to eat there at least once a week or so. I know it takes time and there will be cupcakes and off days. I just have to make sure there are more good days than bad.

One of Those "Oh God, I Think I'm Going to Die" Days

Last night my husband and I went to the local pool to swim laps. To say I was sucking wind (and a little water) would be an understatement. I know most people are not proficient in the swimming. Now I truly understand why. I like to be in the water and swim. Swimming laps back and forth not so much. But I am determined to be a better swimmer, as that is kind of necessary in triathlons. I am currently reading Total Immersion and I understand how swimming should feel. But putting it all together is something else. And 25 meters seems like a long way across the pool. I can't even imagine 50 or an open water swim yet. I did many laps back and forth, reverting to backstroke when I was winded. And I had 1 lap where I felt like it all came together. I could actually feel that I was doing it right. My husband said it looked like I only took about 4 strokes and I was across the pool. But he has to say stuff like that. So I thought I would be all rested for my C25K Week 6 Day 2 today. Instead I developed some tingling sensation right on my ankle bone and every time it touched the bed I woke up. It didn't hurt but it felt weird. But I woke up and dragged myself out of bed. Then my IPod was dead. That made everything decidedly harder. I couldn't catch my breath, my pace was dead slow, and I started feeling a pain in my hip and tightening in my leg and knee. I don't know if I have IT band issues. My knee doesn't hurt but I have a pain in my butt (literally). I made it through though. Two 10 minute jogs with a (short) 3 minute walk in between. Towards the end I just wanted to give up. I had three minutes to go and it would have been so much easier to just say, "all these things didn't work out so I should just stop." But I didn't. Maybe that same resolve to keep going the last three minutes, even when I really didn't want or need to, will keep me going toward my goals.

C25K Week 6

So I accomplished the 20 minute run Saturday. Yesterday I rode my bike 9 and a half miles and today I started Week 6. Whew, I'm tired just reading that. I love how I have made time to exercise in the morning. My family is still sleeping and I can get up early and have time for me. When I was working out before I thought there was no way I could get up at 6:00 and exercise before everyone was up. I loved my sleep. But now I seem to have made a slight attitude adjustment and I actually enjoy it. Oh sure, there are days I struggle to leave the bed and hit snooze too many times. But as soon as I'm out the door I feel ready. Today I jogged 8 minutes/walked 3/jogged 5/walked 3/jogged 8. I was pretty consistently doing 12 minute miles (that is awesome for me by the way. If you run 8-9 minute miles please keep that to yourself). And I even jogged some of the way below 12 minutes. And I didn't feel like I was going to die. During my jog I noticed I look down at the ground ahead of me. So I made a conscious effort to keep my head up and lean forward slightly and that seemed to actually improve my breathing and time. All of these intervals are paving the way for prolonged jogging. Starting next week there are no more walking breaks. But I know I can do it.

Couch to 5K Week 5

I have just managed to complete Week 5 of C25K. If you are familiar with the plan, you know this is the dum dum dum 20 minute jog. I didn't really have any doubts about finishing it. I have reached this point before. I just really did not want to get out of bed. Friday nights are our neighborhood happy hour and I always end up going to bed way too late. Even my kids were still up and going after 11:00. But then bright and early at 7:00 my smallest wakes up and says, "It's good morning time." No, it definitely is not "good morning" time. But I eventually extricated myself from the covers and managed to get my workout clothing on. I know that if I just start out slow in my warm up I'll eventually feel up to the task. I just have to let myself try it out a little first. In order to make myself not look at my Garmin constantly, I told myself I could not look at the time until 4 songs had played. This worked well because after the 4th song I only had two minutes left. I was slow, glacially slow, but my aim was to just keep my feet turning over. I slip between a 13 to 12 minute mile but sometimes I get real speedy and look down to discover I'm doing 11 and a half minute miles. Seriously, I feel like a turtle. I know I'm supposed to speed up after I get the thirty minutes of constant running down but I sometimes wonder how exactly that will happen. I have a bad habit of wanting it all NOW! But I'll just have to settle for working for it. I have to keep telling myself that at least I'm doing this. I could just be sitting on the couch eating cupcakes. Oh wait, that was yesterday.

RPM

I have recently started taking this class at my local gym. Most people call it spinning. But I belong to a gym that has set classes (Les Mills) so there's not a lot of variety and most classes have "Body" in the title. For example, the yoga class (Body Flow) isn't really yoga. It's a mixture of yoga and pilates. It's more like fitness yoga. The teacher is a personal trainer and not really versed in yoga positions or how to not seriously injure yourself doing a back bend. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my shoulder problems were started or exacerbated by this rolling move we did one time. And I sure as hell did not attempt the "striking cobra" after the first time, when it felt like my shoulder joints were made up of ground glass. But I digress (don't worry, it happens all the time). I started the RPM class last week. I had been to one class before and I'm not really sure why I stopped because I enjoy working on the bike. I did buy a gel seat cover before the first class though. Sometimes it is so worth it to research things on the Internet. And then last week I bought padded bike shorts and skipped the gel cover. So nice. And just so you know, even though probably everyone in the world but me knew this, you are not supposed to wear underwear with padded bike shorts. See, everyone just assumes you know this so they never mention it. But I am all about the public service. I thought it would be really weird and gross, kind of like wearing a diaper, but the lack of soreness and chafing more than made up for that. I've found that I really like to get out of the saddle and dig in on the "hills." I have yet to really attempt this on my behemoth of a bike. I keep hinting to my hubs that I would like a new, lighter bike. I don't need some fancy road bike but my bike is seriously like Big Bertha of the bike world. And now that I've started looking at bikes I really, really covet a beach cruiser. I saw a little (OK it was huge) red Schwinn at the bike shop the other day. It was on sale! I want it. But I need a smaller lighter bike so that doesn't really help me any. Some day. Some day.

Couch to 5K

I started the Couch to 5K running program five weeks ago because I want to finally, finally become the runner I always dream about. I can walk. Walked a half marathon. But I long to stretch my legs and sprint like a gazelle. Admittedly I will probably never achieve that level of grace and speed but I can dream. I am more of a shuffler. But I have two feet off the ground at once so I'm a jogging shuffler. I have trouble maintaining an even pace and I'll look down and see I'm "jogging" at 13 and a half minute miles so I speed up and then I'm doing sub 11 minute miles. My goal pace is 12 minute miles at this point. I can handle 5 miles per hour. Sure a guy passed me today pushing a baby in a jogging stroller. But he's obviously been doing this a little longer. Plus he didn't actually have to birth the baby. I've had three. That kind of thing slows you down. Add to that the fact that I did not want to leave the comfort of my bed. But I did. And now I'm glad. I'm jog/walking, I like to call it "jalking," 3 miles now. Next month I have to start my 3 Day training so my mileage will go up a little. The goal is to run the Northland Hospice 5K in 38 minutes. It is at 6,000 feet and I keep hoping my adrenaline will make up for the lack of oxygen. Saturday I am scheduled to run 20 minutes straight. I just keep thinking about the blog I'm reading about a woman who started out doing the Couch to 5K and ended up completing 2 Ironmans. Not that that will be me. But I just like to think about people starting small and then accomplishing great things. One day that will be me.

Day One

I have been working out on and off for the last ten years. I will get in moderate shape and then something comes up (usually another child) and I have to start all over. I have done Weight Watchers for longer than I care to remember. It's not like I've lost 30 pounds and gained it all back. I've just lost a little, stayed the same, lost a little more. At this point in my life I am 30 pounds less than my highest weight after my daughter was born in 1999. I was over 200 pounds. I never really felt that big. It sounds so much worse when you say it. I'm 5'8" so I guess it was a little more evenly distributed. But I was not healthy. And I ate to feel better. I ate to feel less depressed, which depressed me even more. I went through a separation and divorce (and then remarriage) and I lost a little but gained it all back when I was happy and married again. Pregnant with my second child in 2003 I developed gestational diabetes and had to watch my carbs and weight. I was probably the healthiest I had been in a long time. I had my boy and then got pregnant again a year later. Developed gestational diabetes again but didn't have as much control. After giving birth to my third child, I was too exhausted to even think about exercise or eating right. I hovered around 190. I finally decided enough was enough in 2007 and started training with my friend to walk a half marathon. I ended up losing about 20 pounds. I have been between 175 and 170 for a year or more. I did make it below 170 briefly by using the South Beach Diet principles but I became complacent and gained some back. I am now 174 and exercising 5-6 days a week and recording my Points every day. I don't have "free days." My mindset is starting to change. I am starting to make a lifestyle change. I have signed up for a 5K in June and a mini triathlon in October. And then there's the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk. 60 miles in 3 days. Slow miles but 60 miles. I had to start this new blog because I figured people were tired of hearing about my exercise etc. on my other blogs. So hopefully I will learn something, share something and accomplish something.