It may look like I'm going slow but I'm just getting started.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Anatomy of a Binge

I just wrote a post on my main blog about being depressed. One thing that feeds into my depression (no pun intended but it is kind of funny) is my propensity for binge eating. I don't eat whole cakes or throw up. But I do have episodes where I start eating and I continue to graze until I start feeling sick. Feeling guilty doesn't usually lead me to stop. I usually eat more the guiltier I feel. I tried to keep track today of what I was eating so I could put it in Weight Watchers to see the extent of the damage. I probably missed some things but here's a list (and this was after lunch):
  • chocolate covered edamame (at least 1/4 cup)
  • 2 Snickers mini ice cream bars
  • Frosted Flakes (probably a cup)
  • Fruity Pebbles with milk (at least a cup and a half)
  • fruit leather
  • dark chocolate (about an ounce)
  • cheese stick
  • almonds, macadamia nuts and craisins (maybe a 1/3 cup)
So that's the ugly truth. I have had a lot of truth today. Maybe it will lead to some changes on my part. I don't know why I continue to eat when I'm not hungry. I'm eating to fill something (hint, not my stomach). I feel so bad during and after. Like all of my hard work is for nothing. How much more weight could I lose if I didn't blow it so often. I don't deny myself food but I am pretty involved in what I eat. Weight Watchers is good for learning portion control but bad if you're obsessive about weighing and measuring. I just have to keep telling myself it's a journey and I will reach my goal some day. I also weigh less than I have in almost 20 years. And I'm pretty sure I'm in the best shape I've ever been. I just need to realize I don't need to eat ALL THE FOOD RIGHT NOW. There will always be more later. More chances to make better choices.

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