Losing It

I am totally re-posting a blog entry I did for my SparkPeople page. Because I like to multitask like that (and I am lazy). I know I've kvetched (the Yiddish grandmother in me is coming out) about all of this before. But it makes me feel better. One day there will be a blog entry about how I am on the track to success and taking no prisoners. But today is not that day.

This year has been tough. I shouldn't complain (but often do) because the adversity was a result of good fortune. I was able to take two classes each semester in pursuit of my Masters in Social Work, I had two kids in all day school and one in preschool, and my husband traveled more but at least he still has a job! I guess I didn't realize how swamped we were until school was over. Suddenly I look around and realize I can't remember the last 10 months of my life. I feel so disconnected from my kids school life this year and I'm starting to question my own decision to go back to school. Which evidently means I must eat to make it all go away or feel better or some other nonsense my brain talks me into. Fitness is almost nonexistent right now and pretty soon I'll be right back where I started.

I just can't figure out how I constantly take two steps forward and then like 50 back. I'm not very good at giving myself a break and considering the fact that I am probably healthier now than I ever have been. I just keep looking for this miracle schedule or cure that will all make it easier. And then I beat myself up for wasting so much time thinking about it and not doing it.

OK enough whining. I know I have to just get on with it. But it's so easy to say that day will be tomorrow (especially with the impending birthday party for my daughter at our house and the stress of getting ready for all that). I will admit-head hung in shame-that I had cake and gummy bears for breakfast. But that doesn't mean I can't go on with my day. I promise I really am much more entertaining and lighthearted than this!