It may look like I'm going slow but I'm just getting started.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I've Lost That Carb-y Feeling

I could probably go on and on about my love/hate relationship with carbs. OK, admittedly I have gone on and on about the subject. But I am coming to certain unsettling conclusions in my life and I am horrified it has taken me so long to figure things out. Let's just say I like carbs. A lot. And it's not like I will eat a loaf of bread or binge on cereal (most days) but I tend to eat a lot of processed things that are high in carbs. And sugar. If given the choice, I would probably live each day like my youngest child - on carbs, sugar, and several glasses of milk. My foray into the South Beach world did result in weight loss but I could barely keep my eyes open during my personal training. And everything felt SO hard. Or maybe I was just being a wiener baby, which is entirely plausible. The main thing I remember from lowering my carbs is the feeling of being on an even keel all day. No ups and downs and crying jags, (did I mention I started tearing up during a preview for that movie about the dolphin who lost his tail) I just felt steady. And I believe I was a much nicer person. But the reality of that apparently was not enough for me to continue with the lower carb lifestyle, as I just went on a binge of carbs as soon as I was allowed to eat them again and I never looked back. So lesson learned?

Now it's 2011 and I'm still fighting with this ten pounds and the carb monkey on my back. But I have a secret weapon. It's called...carb reduction. You don't spend as much time online as I do and not find 101 random diseases to diagnose yourself with. Lately I've been reading about insulin resistance and I am going to go out on a limb and just maintain that this is what I've been struggling with. Fatigue, sleepiness after eating (particularly high carb meals) weight gain and inability to lose weight. Yes, in your face OB/GYN who thinks my fatigue is a result of having three kids (and yes, for the fifteenth time, we are not having any more children).

So somewhere between starting this post and today, life intervened and totally shone/shined (you know what I mean) a spotlight on my carb addiction. Easter. I think that's all I have to say. One sweet and innocent day full of brunch and chocolate animals. And oh, hello, 5 pounds are back and I'm binging on cereal again. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? And when I overdo it I feel so sick. You think I would learn. But no, my brain loves the carbs and my body can't take them. It's like a biological Odd Couple sitcom. But the host ends up dead and no one laughs. That really brought me down. I know what I need to do, I know what actually feels better and I know what is at stake. But I'm stuck in this single child Veruca Salt perpetual tantrum where I don't want to accept that life is not fair and I can't just do whatever the hell I want and continue to get away with it. Yes, I need to grow up and start following the advice I'm more than happy to offer everyone else.

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