Warrior Dash Report (Finally!)

Everyone knows that the most important part of any adventure race is...the costume choice. Duh. Did you really think I would say preparation or training? Fortunately for me (and my husband, since he was going to have to wear a tutu), the royal wedding provided plenty of inspiration for race day. Specifically this:

So seizing the opportunity to incorporate pop culture of the moment into my own look, I came up with:

 

And my husband just went as Braveheart because that was easy. After all, you wouldn't expect me to actually start the hat project until at least 9:00 the night before. So we had our costumes and our attitudes and we were signed up for the first wave. My only regret about the whole day was not forcing my way into getting a picture with Sione from The Biggest Loser. Because seriously, that's the only show I watch on a regular basis because my life is sad.

They finally fired up the fire cannons (technical term) and we were off. The first part of the course was really, really long. And quite boring. Imagine running around a farm. A desert farm. (Not deSSert farm, but that would be awesome). I didn't bring my Garmin because 1. mud and 2. this was the only thing I've ever signed up for that was supposed to  be "fun." I don't know how long we ran before the first obstacle. Could have been a mile. Could have been a half marathon. But as soon as the first obstacle came and went, there was a lot more walking (from the people around us, OK and me too). The first thing was an over/under (insert your own inappropriate joke here because I just don't have the time or will). We went over a little wall and then under a beam with barbed wire attached. The easiest way under was crawling. Finally I was getting what I paid for!

The next obstacle was made up of high dirt mounds. I approached with a running start and looked ever so graceful going up and over in my princess hat. And then we came to the junkyard. I have not had a tetanus shot in recent memory so sincerely hoped I did not gash my leg on rusted metal. I think my definition of junkyard and the WD definition are two separate things. I was thinking Sanford and Son but they were more "impound lot." Needless to say I did not require stitches or a DipTet (bonus if you caught the Raising Arizona reference).

I look like I'm getting my shimmy on.

We continued walk/running along the course and desperately yearning for a drink of water. This is the desert Warrior Dash. Perhaps water at mile 1 would be nice. We probably did some other forgettable obstacles but since it's been so long I can't remember. Anything over 2 hours days is iffy for me. The next obstacle I remember is the hay bale climby thing (because we have pictures).

Look at me and my "muscles"

Hay climbing done we continued on to the cargo net climb. It may surprise you to know I have absolutely no upper body strength (especially in light of the muscles I seem to be sporting on the above picture). I was a little intimidated by the climb but I heard people behind me talking about strategies so I just blindly followed their suggestions. And I'm pleased to say it worked. When I got to the top I was all Womanly Roaring and such (not literally) but then I figured out I had to go up and over. I spent a short amount of time imagining what would happen if I fell. I came to the conclusion that it would hurt. So I decided to avoid that at all costs. I played it safe, as evidenced by the following pictures:

So jauntily approaching the top

So clinging on to the top for dear life

Obviously I made it down the other side. I would have high fived the people around me but they were oblivious to my awesomeness. Because can I just remind you that I did this whole thing with a bum arm (yes, from falling off my bike while standing still). The adrenaline really numbs the pain. After the high of the cargo climb we had to climb a rope up and over a wall. But that was mundane at this point. I already made it up and over one big thing. How hard can it be? Pleased to say I made it up and over the wall. And there were boards to climb down on the other side so it wasn't too rough. I think the hardest obstacle of all was the cargo crawl:

Sure, it looks easy (to you, sitting at your computer) but that rope really digs in. I didn't follow the volunteer's advice and roll across. Um, I don't think anyone did. I just made my way slowly by crawling and the next morning my knees looked like...I don't know, something involving someone on their knees a lot. I was going to make some tasteless joke but really, too easy. The pinnacle of the race is near the end. The jump over the flames. I was so psyched for this. I just imagined my triumphant picture soaring over a wall of fire. And this is what I got:

Yes, two pictures of my husband soaring over the flames and me in the background looking like Ma Kettle. "Come on over here flames, Im'ma gonna jump you now." If you have no idea who Ma Kettle is then that last reference is probably completely lost on you and you should just move along. So, no triumphant flame jumping pictures for me. But the day was not lost, as I had this to make up for it:

My very own picture in a newspaper slide show. Thank you Arizona Daily Star. After the mud crawl (and surprising tenacity of my head wear) we were hosed off-repeatedly in the face-and managed to change in port-a-potties. A lot of firsts occurred that day. My only complaint about the mud crawl would be to take issue with the alarming number of small rocks embedded in the mud. I mean I'm a Warrior not a super hero. My knees looked like I took sandpaper and rubbed them vigorously. And y'all that does not work to remove hair so don't try it (more than once). Overall though the race was a total success and I would gladly give them money to torture me all over again. Who can argue with such looks of appreciation:

Daft Schemes

OK I am so behind on my blogging and such. And possibly I do way too many events. I can't seem to compose posts about them before a new one comes up. And I totes have to describe the Seville Tri in agonizing detail (hint...I-yes me-placed in my age group and Athena). So I'll get right on that. Later. For now I would like to write about the beginning stages of my plan to join The Half Fanatics during my R'n'R training. I just have to complete 3 half marys (yes, I am aware of how pretentious/stupid it sounds to call a half a "half mary" and I will never do it again) in 90 days or 2 in16 days. I like the sound of the 90 days better. Like you have 30 days to slack off between each attempt. And the beauty of it is, you don't have to be fast. I could walk a half and still qualify. What do I have to lose (possibly the use of my legs). Aaron wants to run a marathon too copy cat and I had to explain that we could not run a marathon at the same time because someone needs to (minimally) parent our children. So now we're looking for races for him. And we found this: Route 66 Marathon. How can we not do a race in our hometown (right before Thanksgiving, which technically gives us the OK to consume as much as humanly possible). I'm also still considering the inaugural Rock 'n' Roll half in St. Louis with my bestie. That just leaves one more race. Maybe the Women's Half in November? When I look at the fact that all the races are 2 weeks apart I start to cry a little. But then I look at my training calendar and realize I'm supposed to be running 15, 17, 20 miles two weeks apart. And then I cry harder. If I can pull this off, I can do anything. Anything! And make no mistake, I will sleep for two weeks straight and eat Ben and Jerry's for dinner every night after it's all over. And then I'll start something else.


P.S. I was going to call this post "Crazy Schemes" but then I remembered my stance on not using "crazy" so I had to change it to "daft." Classy.

My Summer of Fitness

I really need (or want, since it's less of an imperative) to do a Warrior Dash report but I'm real, what's that word again, oh yes - lazy. I was even featured in a slide show and everythang! So I'll get right on that...soon.

This Sunday I am doing a mini sprint. I originally planned to totally dominate the Athena category but that was before I fell off my bike and hurt my arm. And this turn of events both depressed and frightened me so I became lazy (er) than normal and didn't train as effectively as I should have. But I'm still going to do the race, which is a huge accomplishment for me. I am regularly one to just flake out if things don't go my way. But how can I flake out of a 150 meter swim/10 mile bike/half mile run? I'm just going to get out there and do it. And hopefully there will only be three Athenas and I can be second or third. I rode the bike course yesterday and, after getting turned around, managed to make pretty good time. Hopefully my luck will hold Sunday.

After Sunday I have a whole summer of super fun runs planned. That makes me laugh. Super..fun..runs....in the summer. Alas I will brave the heat (and desert tortoise comparisons) to participate in the Arizona Road Racer's summer run series. Five runs for $35 is a steal. And I won't feel bad about flaking out on a couple (3 or 4) if I'm only losing $35. I spend that on one trip to Starbucks, hence the reason I need to run. It's a cycle. They also have a walk series so if anyone is intimidated by 16 minute 5Kers (me-not the 16 minutes, the intimidation) you can sign up to walk. I'm just trying to gather some support here. Possibly enough people to carry me back to the car.